WATCH SYRIAN REFUGEE CHILDREN GO SLEDDING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN CANADA
These words need to be printed on the front page of every newspaper and news site in the country.
WAR IS THE ULTIMATE DISTRACTION
By Mark Sumner 4/7/2017
“After all, Donald Trump talking about “beautiful babies” in Syria is so sickeningly hypocritical that it demands a new word. These are the same people that Trump condemned over, and over, and over. Some of those children who died in the Idlib attack might have been sitting in kindergartens in Ohio, or pre-schools in Minnesota or at new homes in Pennsylvania, except that Donald Trump sold his voters on the idea that these beautiful babies deserved to be trapped in a war zone.”
“Their blood is on more hands than just Bashar Assad.”
19 December 2016, Bigot, Buffoon, Bullying, Change.org, Civil Rights, Climate Control, Compassion, Electoral College VS Popular Vote, EMPATHY, Global Warming, Healthcare, Homophobe, Human Rights, Immigration, Misogynist, PEACE, Petition, Racist, Social Justice, The Constitution, The Environment, The Nuclear Button, Xenophobe
THERE IS STILL SOMETHING WE CAN DO
ELECTORAL COLLEGE VERSUS THE POPULAR VOTE
This blog today is for all of you who believe that Donald Trump is the Buffoon that he seems to be. Mr. Trump is a Racist, a Bigot, a Misogynist, a Xenophobe, a Homophobe, has no concern for the Environment or Global Warming, and is all too ready to punch the Nuclear Button.
We can still stop him, but it will take Your Courage, Your Convictions, Your Ability to think outside the box and attempt to confront the Electoral College and vociferously urge them to Vote Democrat on December 19. Not all Electors are bound to vote for the party they represent.
On December 19, the Electors of the Electoral College will cast their ballots.
Change.Org has provided a Petition to challenge the Electors to vote Democrat on December 19, 2016.
You can sign this petition and help to preserve our Civil Rights, our Healthcare, Climate Control, the Environment, the Constitution…
Click on the URL below and read all about it, and then sign it.
Your Health, your Lives, our Country depend on it.
Bernie Sanders, Corporate Money in Elections, Hillary Clinton, Presidential Campaign, Primary Elections, Progress, Stand Up for Change & Vote, The Wealthy Versus the 99%, Vote in the General Presidential Elections, Vote in the Primaries
SIX REASONS NOT TO VOTE FOR HILLARY PLUS ONE
I lost all respect for Hillary Clinton in the 2008 Presidential Campaign. She and Bill Clinton came out swinging, spewing all kind of dirty mudslinging accusations against Barack Obama and it just made me ill. Below are six more reasons NOT to vote for Hillary R. Clinton.
“Bernie Sanders says he is running until ALL 50 states have voted in their individual primaries. And he knocks Hillary Clinton for accepting corporate money for her campaign.”
“Bernie has awoken the young, the disenfranchised, the FUTURE of our nation. Bernie has proven that big, dirty, corporate money does NOT have to decide our elections. Bernie has courageously shown us that if we stand together we CAN be heard. We have a chance of a lifetime right now to elect a leader who truly has the interests of the 99% at heart and who will not be swayed by money or corporate greed and who will lead us in our battle to reclaim our democracy from the hands of the few who see us as nothing more than pawns in their game of power, control and financial dominance.”
Bernie Sanders says let’s take big leaps and think big. Hillary Clinton says we must take moderate steps to change this country.
“We wonder how her / Hillary Clinton’s election will be a win for progressive politics given her record of far too often favoring war over peace, regime change over the rule of law, and corporate interests over unions and working people.”
“What are the odds that Hillary Clinton has us neck deep in another Middle East quagmire in her first term?”
Hillary Clinton is not Progressive enough. Why is that???
At the very least, please remember to vote in your State’s Primary Election. You can google the dates online. Many people do not realize that they as individuals can vote in the Primaries. It is in this Presidential Election Campaign that I have realized that I can vote in a Primary and so can you.
It is every bit as important to vote in the Primaries as it is to always vote in the Presidential Elections. You never know until the very end just how much can change, and hopefully, that change will benefit the entire American people, not just the Wealthy, the Billionaires, the Millionaires, the Corporate CEO’s, the Bankers, the Insurance Companies, and the Politicians who get paid by the Wealthy to do their bidding, and the heck with your needs as an Everyday Person.
If you want Change, you have to stand up and fight / Vote for it.
LACK OF EMPATHY & THE AUTHORITARIAN PERSONALITY DISORDER
Empathy is Vital to the Survival of the Human Species.
The events of today’s political scene are bizarrely twisted and fraught with anger, hostility, and one-up-man-ship.
I hear some religious people saying that they believe it is our responsibility to care for the poor.
And then I hear from other so-called religious people that they have no concern for the poor. They seem to believe that the poor deserve to be poor because they somehow did something to become poor.
How can two groups of people who profess to worship the same God and read the same Scriptures have two opposingly different takes from the same religion?
Try out this idea: We interpret Scripture according to the way our parents treated us when we were children.
I had hoped that as we entered the 21st century that a more reasonable, more empathic mindset would take root in our Nation.
But the political scene today is Polluted with ……..
Anger Prejudice Racism Classism Sexism Authoritarianism Mudslinging Blaming Invalidation Hostility Hatred Arrogance Disrespect Discrimination Scientific Ignorance Self Righteousness Religious Fundamentalism Anti-Intellectualism Loss of Reason Money & Power Lack of Empathy The Need to Control Women & Children Total Disregard for the Needs of Human Beings………
The Ugliness that I see is overwhelming. I cannot find enough words for all of the Insanity I see and hear in our own country, a Nation Of the People, By the People, For All the People.
Congress is so blinded by Money $$ and Power, they have no Conscience and continue in their attempt to deprive millions of food, shelter, and healthcare.
What I hear most is a total Lack of Empathy for our Fellow Human Beings.
What I see is a huge need on the part of some people to step down on the Others of Our Society.
Martin Luther King How hard it is for people to live without someone to look down upon, really to look down upon. It is not just that they feel cheated out of someone to hate. It is that they are compelled to look more closely into themselves and what they don’t like in themselves.
I think the missing elements are….
Empathy Compassion Respect Caring Listening Acceptance Sensitivity Awareness Conscience Tolerance Patience Emotional Intelligence.
What I see today in the American Political Scene is Out & Out Racism and Hatred and a Cold-Blooded Disregard for the Human Race, especially for those at the bottom of the barrel.
There Is A Label For This Kind Of Irrational Thinking.
It Is Known As The Authoritarian Personality Disorder.
Wayne Weiten describes the phenomenon. I think if you look at the following description and hold it up to the political scene today, you will see a mirror reflection.
Characteristics Of The Authoritarian Personality
Aggression Hostility Conventionalism Self Righteousness
Need to Control others Believe they are More Moral
Threatened by Social Change Expects others to be Submissive
Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps
People who contract AIDS deserve their fate
Labeling other people and other nations as Evil
Organizes social world as In-Groups & Out-Groups
Belief that some groups of people are simply inferior
Belief that the world is a dangerous and hostile place
Out-Groups are a threat to cherished traditional values
Feel justified in Derogating groups deemed as less moral
Little exposure to minority groups & unconventional behavior
Grew up in Highly Religious & Socially Homogeneous Groups
It is OK if some groups have more of a chance in life than others
Must demonstrate In-Group Favoritism & Out-Group Contempt
There would be fewer problems if certain people stayed in their place
Cognitive distortions are an attempt to reassure a person that they will not suffer a similar fate.
The next part is really interesting…………………..
The Authoritarian Personality Correlates Positively With …
Racism Sexism Classism Anti-Semitism
Ethnocentrism Social Dominance Homophobia
Political Conservatism Economic Conservatism
Lack Of Empathy
It is all about CONTROL OVER OTHERS. Without control over others, the Authoritarian Personality fears being Controlled by Others.
O.K. So, How Do People Develop An Authoritarian Personality Disorder?
This is a question that I do not often see addressed in mainstream Media. It seems people are a little/a lot! afraid to ask just how does this happen.
So how does one develop all this Hostility and Anger, a total Lack of Empathy and Flagrant Disregard for the Conditions of Human Life?
No federal assistance for Tornado Victims???
The Answer Is Simple, But It Is Also The One Reason That Most People Reject…………and that is…………………They themselves were abused children.
How people become Angry, Hostile, Uncaring People has its Origins in Abuse. Look back up the page a little to the Characteristics of the Authoritarian Personality. That list describes the kind of home life many people have grown up in. It is not a healthy way to raise Children. It is a Toxic Atmosphere that produces Highly Dysfunctional people.
Many people will deny that their Home of Origin was abusive. Many people want to forget the abuse because it hurts too much to remember how afraid and frightened they were when their parents yelled and screamed at and hit them.
How many news articles do you read each day online that disagree over the definition of child abuse? If I allow myself to read the commentaries afterwards, they are often full of sarcasm and bitterness. People cannot even agree on what child abuse is.
Many people do not believe that spanking is child abuse.
But I am here to tell you: Hitting a Little Kid Is Child Abuse.
It’s nothing more than a Power Trip.
Ask your four year old or five year old: When I hit you, are you Afraid? Frightened? Angry? Scared? Do you remember that I love you when I hit you???
Many people cannot bear to look back into their own lives and admit to the fear they harbored when their parents hit them. They have an incredible need to believe that their parents loved them, and if their parents hit them, then they must have had a good reason, like….”I’m a bad person.”
There are some who will say, “I was hit and beaten, and I turned out OK.”
I know for sure they have not turned out OK. I see their anger, their denial, their bullying behavior towards others, their lack of empathy.
The child is Emotionally Deformed by the abuse. The child is helpless. He is at the mercy of the parent.
Children who suffer severe abuse have Abnormal MRI’s, brain damage which may or may not be reversible. Add to the mix the colicky baby, the kid with ADHD, learning disorders. And the situation becomes even more volatile.
Sheldon Kopp: Childhood is a Nightmare.
How could you possibly grow into a Responsible Loving Compassionate Empathic Person when you have never experienced Love Empathy Compassion Understanding Respect Tolerance?
It becomes necessary as the Child develops and grows into Adulthood to repress this pain and fear and terror. And when that child becomes an adult, he represses his pain only to visit that pain upon his own child.
I can’t help but think that the verse, “the sins of the fathers unto the third and fourth generation,” refers to the abuse that we hand down to our children and they to their children.
And in the case of our Presidential candidates and half of Congress, all of their fear and anger becomes fixated upon The Have-Not’s, The Least Of These, and on Those Who Are Not Like Us.
The Rest of America needs to wake up soon and take drastic measures to Resist, to Halt, to Counter, to Stand Against, to Challenge, to Contest, to Oppose, to Dispute, to Buck, to Deflect, to Defy, and to Vote against those ………………………………………………………………………………………who would deny aid to disaster victims, who would take away Social Security checks of those who truly need it, who would cut monetary aid and school breakfasts for Children, who would take away Healthcare from those who cannot afford medical care, who would take money from those who live with illness and can no longer work, who would destroy woodlands & oceans & wildlife, who would pollute the very air we breathe.
It might hurt for a while when we recognize that our own parents abused us in response to having to suppress the reality that they had been abused………..but when we acknowledge our pain, then change is possible.
It is the only way we can communicate and build relationships, not only with our own families but also with the rest of Humanity. If we could just take a deep breath and allow ourselves to be more Empathic, more Compassionate, more Understanding, we could work toward more Peaceful Solutions to the problems that we encounter at home and with the rest of Earth’s population.
Martin Hoffman: The Roots of Morality are to be found in Empathy.
Read the United Nations Declaration of Human Rights.
Read the United Nations Declaration of the Rights of Children.
In the U.N. Declarations we are all called forth to care for all of Earth’s people.
Venerable Wuling Kindness will accomplish that which force never will.
Already, It Is Illegal To Hit Children In Sweden.
France Has Been Working On Making Spousal Abuse Illegal.
Why is it so hard for America to consider that Sweden & France believe in something worth our paying attention to?
Are we afraid that Empathy might make us look Weak???
What kind of country do you want to live in???
What kind of country do you want your children to grow up in???
Altemeyer, Robert. The Authoritarians. Harvard University Press, June 10, 2007.
Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. NY: Bantam Books, 1995.
Hacker, Jacob S. & Paul Pierson. Winner Take All Politics: How Washington Made The Rich Richer – And Turned Its Back On The Middle Class. Foreword by Bill Moyers. NY: Simon & Schuster Paperbacks, 2010.
Hartmann, Thom. Unequal Protection: How Corporations Became “People” And How You Can Fight Back. Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2010.
Ifill, Gwen. The Breakthrough: Racism In Our Country.
Karr-Morse, Robin and Meredith S. Wiley. Ghosts From The Nursery: Tracing The Roots Of Violence. NY: The Atlantic Monthly Press, 1997.
King, Coretta Scott. The Words Of Martin Luther King Jr. NY: Newmarket Press, 1987.
Kopp, Sheldon. No Hidden Meanings: An Illustrated Eschatological Laundry List. Palo Alto CA: Science and Behavior Books, 1975.
Lardner, James & David A. Smith, Editors. Inequality Matters: The Growing Economic Divide In America And Its Poisonous Consequences. Foreword by Bill Moyers. The New Press, 2007.
Mann, Thomas E. and Norman J. Ornstein. It’s Even Worse Than It Looks: How The American Constitutional System Collided With The New Politics Of Extremism. Basic Books, 2012.
Miller, Alice. For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty In Child-Rearing And The Roots Of Violence. Translated by Hildegarde and Hunter Hannum. NY: Farrar Straus Giroux, 1983.
Moyers, Bill. Moyers On Democracy. Doubleday, 2008.
Perry, Bruce and Maia Szalavitz. Born For Love: Why Empathy Is Essential And Endangered. NY: William Morrow, 2010.
Smiley, Tavis and Cornel West. The Rich And The Rest Of Us: A Poverty Manifesto. NY: Smiley Books, 2012.
PRESIDENT OBAMA / AMAZING GRACE
Friday June 26, 2015
President Obama spoke at the funeral of Clementa Pinckney: Pinckney and eight other Church members and friends were killed by a white terrorist.
The President said: “We are here today to remember a man of God who lived by faith. A man who believed in things not seen. A man who believed there were better days ahead, off in the distance. A man of service who persevered knowing full well he would not receive all those things he was promised, because he believed his efforts would provide a better life for those who followed.”
Words are difficult to find. No words are sufficient to express the grief over the loss of our loved ones. And maybe sometimes the music wells up inside us and expresses some of the pain and sorrow and helps open the path to Empathy and Compassion.
Music speaks when there are no words.
A HARSH WORLD
I had a conversation with another person who remarked that the world is getting harsher because mothers are too permissive or refuse to discipline their children.
I had to disagree. The world is not getting harsher because parents are too permissive or refuse to discipline their children.
The world is getting harsher ……………
Because most people work for low wage jobs,
Because health care is denied to many who do not have the money to purchase it,
Because people are hungry,
Because we would rather fight wars with other countries and with our own children than search for less violent ways to communicate with each other,
Because we fear others who are not like us,
Because we warehouse our children in day care centers where there are too many children and not enough teachers or moms or dads, and not enough playground space, and not enough trees, and not enough outside time to run and be free,
Because we do not tell our children enough that they are loved for no other reason than that we love them.
And that is why the world is so broken.
And that is why the world is so sad.
6 WORDS YOU SHOULD SAY TODAY
By Rachel Stafford
Rachel Stafford suggested that parents should say to their children:
I love to watch you play softball.
I love to watch you having fun.
I love to make cookies with you.
I love to………..
I tried this little technique of saying “I would love to …………..” to my now grown up niece and nephew. I emailed my nephew and wrote, “I would love to play board games with you when I come back to visit.” And to my niece, I wrote, “I would love to go rock hunting with you when I come back to visit.”
Gee, talk about high speed internet!! Their response was almost instantaneous! They both emailed back and said, “I would love to play board games!” and “I would love to go rock hunting!”
And I thought, “Wow, I love being an Aunt.”
It’s All About Communication.
A Caring Society, A Just World & Its Victims, Blaming the Victim, Compassion, Denial, EMPATHY, Humanity, Illusion of Control, Just World Hypothesis, Order Out of Random Events, Self-Delusion, Social Justice, Surface Answers, Walk in Someone Else's Shoes
A JUST WORLD AND ITS VICTIMS
Human beings have the “fundamental need to find meaning and order in life’s experiences,” especially when the inexplicable happens to people.
How could so many people die in Hurricane Katrina?
How could a man kill his wife and infant child and then himself?
What made it possible for a 16 year old boy to come to school one morning, my nephew’s school, with a loaded gun and kill one of his classmates?
Something happens in our thinking when we are faced with these questions.
We tend NOT to look too deeply into the experience. We tend to look only for “Surface Answers.”
To look TOO deeply requires looking into oneself. And to look deeply inside ourselves is scary and threatening. The question can be asked then, could this have happened to me? Could I have done this?
Humans have a need to believe that we live in a JUST WORLD, a world where bad things happen only to bad people.
“This belief is a fundamental DELUSION that is central to the way we organize experience, make sense out of confusion, justice out of cruelty and unfairness, and ORDERLINESS OUT OF RANDOM EVENTS.”
“The Widespread But False Belief Is That The World Is Essentially Fair. And In A Fair World, The Only Reason That Misfortunes Happen Must Be The Result Of The Actions Of The Individual.”
“The Good Are Rewarded. And The Bad Are Punished.”
In other words, The Poor are responsible for becoming Poor and therefore deserve to be and to remain Poor.
In other words, The Homeless caused their Homelessness and therefore deserve to be Homeless.
In other words, those without Healthcare deserve to be sick without Healthcare.
“The outcome of this belief is that people assume that those who suffer misfortune deserve their fate.”
In other words, we BLAME THE VICTIM.
When we Blame the Victim, we can Absolve ourselves of any responsibility to care for others.
When we Blame the Victim, we can absolve ourselves of creating a Just Society to help prevent people from falling through the cracks in the first place.
When we blame the victim, we can absolve ourselves from ever helping those who do fall through the cracks of a Society.
I met a woman several years ago who believed that God sent Hurricane Katrina to punish the evil people of New Orleans.
I found her words offensive. I was raised in the South so her remarks cut deep. A white hot anger envelopes my body when I hear words like those.
“BLAMING THE VICTIM is the tendency to assume that the person who has suffered a misfortune must have done something wrong to have deserved it.”
I have heard people say to others who have been fired, dismissed from a job, or laid off: Man, you must not be living right.
The immediate effect on me when I hear words like that is to feel like a huge crevice has opened up between me and the other person.
It occurred to me while writing this: Have I created the crevice, or has the other person created the crevice?
The obvious answer is, The Other Person Has Created the Crevice. The other person has just divorced himself from me and has left me to Sink or Swim.
Strange things happen when believers in the Just World Hypothesis are confronted with Injustice Suffered by Others:
They denigrate the victim.
They deny the evidence.
They reinterpret the event entirely.
Just World Theorists BLAME THE VICTIM.
And oddly enough, even the VICTIMS begin to Blame Themselves.
WALKING AROUND IN A DISASTER AREA CAN SHAKE ANYONE TO THE CENTER OF THEIR BEING.
People go to great lengths to protect the basic belief that bad things happen only to bad people or irresponsible people. This belief is a consequence of the Illusion of Control.
The ILLUSION OF CONTROL is an Imaginary Defense against the fear that terrible things can happen to anyone.
No one is exempt from the possibility of disaster in their own lives.
Researchers have devised a JUST WORLD SCALE INVENTORY. It is a list of basic assumptions that people hold about other people who suffer disastrous events.
Some of the assumptions that are listed in the Scale are statements like the following:
Basically the world is a just place.
By and large people get what they deserve.
The homeless want to be homeless.
Innocent women are not raped.
Drug addicts want to be drug addicts.
Those who hold the Just World Hypothesis to be true believe that The Poor bring about their own suffering because they are lazy, drunk, violent, stupid, uneducated, addicted.
All of these rationalizations help people avoid the panicky thought that poverty, job loss, or even death could strike them. It is called DENIAL.
DENIAL and SELF-DELUSION PROTECT us against anger, depression, and anxiety. Denial and Self-Delusion help us to be optimistic, to feel safe, and to feel invincible.
UNFORTUNATELY, Denial and Self-Delusion also provide us with the EXCUSE to turn our backs on and to IGNORE the very people who most need our help and aid.
Unfortunately, Denial and Self-Delusion prevent us from building a Society that can help prevent some of the awful things that happen to people.
Unfortunately, Denial and Self-Delusion prevent us from helping others when The Unpredictable and The Unpreventable happen to people.
Unfortunately, when we build a Society on the backs of The Poor, The Homeless, and The Ill, we have a Society that is built on a Precarious Foundation.
And then we are all in danger of falling into the Cracks, into the Abyss, and into the Darkness.
BUT if we build a CARING SOCIETY designed to help prevent people from falling through the cracks in the first place, and also to catch those who do fall through, then we have built a JUST SOCIETY FOR ALL PEOPLE.
It all requires a lot of hard work. It requires EMPATHY. It requires COMPASSION. It requires INSIGHT. It requires us to Challenge Our Ways of Thinking and to Challenge Our Persuasions.
It requires our having to think about what it would be like to WALK IN SOMEONE ELSE’S SHOES. “Could this happen to me?”
It’s a lot of hard work. But it is not impossible. It only requires us to OPEN OUR HEARTS TO OTHERS.
And isn’t that what our Country is supposed to be about in the first place!!!!
A Just And Caring Society
Of The People,
By The People,
And For All The People.
A Federation of All Humanity, together with a sufficient measure of Social Justice to Ensure Health, Education, and a Rough Equality of Opportunity, would mean such a Release and Increase of Human Energy as to Open a New Phase in Human History.
MARTIN LUTHER KING
Our nation’s greatness relies on the way we treat our poor….
We must want something enough that we want it for all persons: Health, Shelter, Education, Peace.
Facts do not cease to exist just because they are ignored.
It is the character of our country to take care of our own.
A Society that has more Justice is a Society that needs less Charity.
The cost of inaction is greater.
Tavris, Carol. Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion. NY: A Touchstone Book, 1989.
COMPASSION LOVE UNDERSTANDING EMPATHY
I have been surfing the net using these terms: Empathy, Compassion, Children.
This is what I have seen on Google: Teaching Empathy to Children, Animals Teach Empathy to Children, Teach Your Children Compassion.
I can say that most of us need Empathy training. I experience a huge lack of Empathy in our world. And even for those who have Empathy, it is reinforcing to spend a little time studying, learning, practicing, and sharing the experience with others.
But there is something that bothers me. I have discovered that a lot of people do not believe that children have any kind of empathy at all and that we as adults must take it upon ourselves to teach children how to be empathic.
Look at all the news reports on bullying and hazing and other cruel behavior that some children and adults inflict on others. It would be easy to assume that children are not born with empathy.
Recently I was shocked by a news interview with a medical doctor who stated quite categorically that: ……… Children Are Not Born With Empathy And Compassion. They Must Be Taught.
I could hardly disagree more.
In so many discussions that I have had with parents and other adults, the other person always assumes that children must be taught compassion, that children have no respect for parents or for others beyond themselves, that children are narcissistic and will remain so until we the adults train them to be empathic and respectful.
So we adults tend to treat children as somehow deviant until we set them straight.
You have heard some zealots say, We have to beat the fear of God into them and put them on the straight and narrow. Spare the rod, spoil the child.
I know of parents who slap their babies because the baby dares to move and wiggle during a diaper change. Trust me, I know of no child who wants to be bound up in tight fitting, itchy clothing. Babies like the freedom to move and run around without clothes.
But back to the point of this essay.
I have witnessed in my lifetime such cruelty and have listened to parents defend themselves for hitting their children. I have known mothers who have hit small children with wooden spoons. Or a father who pulled off his belt to hit his tiny little six year old. She was so petite and so sweet.
And most of this seems to happen in the name of God who has seemingly condoned the hitting of children. Little people who are only two or three feet tall. And that sentiment seems also to underlie the beliefs of those who are not the religious type.
I remember that awful book that we had to suffer through somewhere in my junior high or high school days: The Lord of the Flies. Written by Sir William Gerald Golding.
So the story goes that a number of children survived a plane crash, no adults survived, and the children found themselves alone on an island. The children fell into two camps: one camp that was out to rule the island and literally kill the other children to do so, and the other camp that tried to stay alive.
The story line assumes that children are generally born lawless and that adults must teach their children how to be empathic.
I have known children who were hit by parents, spanked, slapped, yelled at, threatened, degraded, punished …………. Am I making my point? Let’s make sure ….
belittled, frightened, ……………….
Ah – frightened.
I read or hear about adults who say that they must instill fear into and demand respect from their children. “How else,” they ask, “would my child learn to be good?”
The irony is so blatant. Teach fear to learn goodness?
Does anyone else “feel” the contradiction gnawing at your bones?
Let’s lay it out like a grocery list:
? Children are not born with Empathy and Compassion.
? Children must be taught E + C.
? We must use fear to teach goodness.
? Society must demand of them obedience, submission, and respect.
Does anyone else hurt yet reading these words?
We have got it backwards and we wonder why the world is so messed up.
How we raise our children does have something to do with the mess the world is in. The whole world.
We have got it backwards. We believe that children are born lacking in humanity and we believe in a God who is loving. More irony.
How many times have we heard adults say to children: Now say please; now say thank you; now say you are sorry; now say you are welcome; now say this; now say that.
Unfortunately, neither fear nor bullying can create good. It is impossible. They are mutually exclusive. Fear cannot make someone love you.
Think about it. We adults neglect, scream, yell, hit, kick, injure, and shun and bully our children and then we wonder, why is my kid so messed up? Why hasn’t my kid learned goodness, virtue, and kindness?
And just how are children supposed to learn goodness, virtue, etc…….?
We wonder why our children feel such resentment towards us, themselves, and other children that they have learned to bully. And just where did they learn to bully?
They have to learn it somewhere. Perhaps at home?
Too many people have major stockpiles of anger and they share it with their children. I have experienced that.
How many times have you heard yourself or others say to children, “You are ruining my day.”
I worked in day care for a couple of years. I watched the children in the modern day care center all day long.
Some came as early as 7 am, and some remained there until 5 or 6 pm in the evening. That’s a long day for an infant, a toddler, preschooler, kindergartner.
By the end of a long day without Mom and Dad and having had to compete with 6, 10, and 15 other children for the teacher’s attention, the children were tired, distraught, barely able to keep it together.
And then Mom or Dad appears at the classroom door, and the child goes into meltdown. The child begins to cry. The child wants to be held, noticed, and cuddled by Mom & Dad. The child approaches the parent. And the parent reacts out of his or her own rotten day, and says to the small child, three years old, “Don’t you start. Don’t you whine. Don’t you cry.”
And the parent turns to leave the building and expects the child to follow along and be cheerful and cooperative.
Where in all of this could a child possibly learn kindness, empathy, and compassion?
I watched one mother belittle and rip her child’s self-esteem to shreds for having eaten candy that belonged to another child. On the last day of school. It was the last time I ever saw him. I wonder who he has become as an adult.
We destroy the child’s sense of Dignity, Pride, and Self-Esteem. And Empathy. And Compassion. And Understanding. And Love.
I was in the World Market store years ago and I was checking out and chatting with the cashier. I can’t remember precisely what we were talking about. But I found myself saying, Oh thank you, thank you, and thank you.
Suddenly, behind me in the check out lane, I heard a small boy repeating my words. Thank you, Thank you.
Every time I said it, he said it.
I managed to say something like, those are good words to know.
I have no idea how his family functioned, but it occurred to me that that little boy learned “Thank you” because his parents said it to him FIRST.
Children learn by Imitation not Abstract Rules.
Let me finally get to my point. Here it comes………
* Children are born with a huge capacity to love and be loved.
* Children are born already full of Empathy and Compassion.
And the really painful part …………
* It is the adult who robs the child of Love and Understanding and Empathy and Compassion by hitting, yelling, spanking, threatening, and neglecting an absolutely helpless infant.
Here’s an icy thought …………….
* Babies spend nine long months in a very warm cradle, sharing the ultimate attachment to another human being.
* And then the child is born and the parents stuff the baby into confining clothes and lay him down in a cold crib and walk out and leave him completely alone, confined, unconnected.
* And then the parents ignore the helpless infant who cries until his heart is broken by the total aloneness and isolation.
How could we possibly expect any child to feel safe, loved, cared for, empathic, compassionate, full of understanding for other people?
How can the child possibly grow up normal?
To grow up loving?
We have got it backwards. The child is born for love, the child already has all the empathy and compassion in his heart. But we the adults are the ones who kill our children’s souls.
Why? Why do we do this?
The only possible answer is this:
* That is how we were raised by our parents.
* And that is how our parents were raised.
* And their parents, and their parents.……
We pass it down from “generation unto generation.”
Children are born with all the love and empathy they could ever need, if only we could let them share it with us.
We haven’t a clue about how to raise a child because we are lacking in love and empathy ourselves.
Until we get a clue, we haven’t a chance of raising healthy, normal, loving children.
Love cannot grow in a vacuum. Love dies in isolation and fear and anger.
We need to turn the tables. We need to Umbrella Our Children with our love and respect. We must love and respect them FIRST if we want them to return that love and respect.
WE NEED TO NURTURE THE LOVE THAT IS ALREADY THERE.
Picasso, the Painter once said:
“All children are born artists.
The problem is to remain an artist
as we grow up.”
Treat yourself to a whole page of Love & Empathy & Compassion & Understanding & Children
Perry, Bruce and Maia Szalavitz. Born for Love: Why Empathy Is Essential and Endangered. New York: William Morrow, 2010.
Gordon, Mary. Roots of Empathy: Changing the World Child by Child. Toronto: Thomas Allen Publishers, 2005.
Bruce Perry: http://www.childtrauma.org
Mary Gordon: http://www.rootsofempathy.org
Bradshaw, John. Bradshaw On: The Family: A Revolutionary Way of Self-Discovery. Pompano Beach FL: Health Communications Inc., 1988.
Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. New York: Bantam Books, 1995.
Gottman, John and Joan DeClaire. The Heart of Parenting: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1997.
Greenspan, Stanley and Nancy Thorndike Greenspan. First Feelings: Milestones in the Emotional Development of Your Baby and Child. New York: Viking, 1985.
Karr-Morse, Robin and Meredith S. Wiley. Ghosts from the Nursery: Tracing the Roots of Violence. New York: The Atlantic Monthly Press, 1997.
Miller, Alice. For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence. Translated by Hildegarde and Hunter Hannum. New York: Farrar Straus Giroux, 1983.
THE NEW GRASSROOTS POLITICS
Join The New Grassroots Political Action Groups.
There are many online sites for you to join
and make yourself heard in this political world.
Stand Up for Justice, for Equality, for Fairness.
Help make this a better world to everyone to live in.
Choose one below or two.
“Giving All Americans A Way To Engage Their Government On The Issues That Matter To Them”
“The World’s Platform For Change”
“Care2 Is The Largest Global Community Of People Working To Make A Difference”
“Defend Human Rights For All”
“Explore, Enjoy, and Protect The Planet”
“Addup Is A Website With A Mission — To Give You More Power To Protect The Environment.” And Our Democracy.
“Takepart Is Dedicated To Connecting Inspiring Content To Relevant And Credible Actions You Can Take To Make A Difference.”
What’s really cool about Signing Petitions is that you will receive updates from the websites you join. You will learn about the successes of the petitions and about what is yet to be done.
SYRIANS CAN’T WAIT ANY LONGER FOR PEACE — ACT NOW!
https://takeaction.takepart.com — A Social Action Platform
Join the new grassroots political action group.
There are many online sites for you to join
and make yourself heard in this political world.
Stand Up for Justice, for Equality, for Fairness.
Help make this a better world to everyone to live in.
Sign a Petition like the one below to John F. Kerry, Secretary of State.
“Around the US, many children are getting ready to head back to school. But for hundreds of thousands of Syrian children forced to flee from the violence in their country, school isn’t an option. Instead, those refugee children struggle to survive the hot summer.
“This fall, instead of starting classes, they’ll be doing all they can to help their families prepare for another freezing winter without adequate shelter.
“Syrians are standing up for peace, and the United States, along with Russia, is key to getting the peace process started – but two of the world’s most powerful countries continue to delay and put politics before peace.
“It’s time – past time – for the United States to step up and push to bring all the parties together for a Peace Conference.”
“Tell Secretary of State Kerry: We need peace talks now.”
“The UN estimates that there are more than 4 million Syrian children in need of humanitarian aid. They’re children, like 12-year-old Reema, whose family was forced to flee from the conflict, and are now living as refugees in Lebanon. Reema wants to go home. She wants to be able to go to school.”
Reema shared her poem (translated from the original Arabic):
“When I take my pencil and notebook what will I write about?
About my school or my house.
I am deprived from living in my house and school.
My school, when will I visit you again,
To take my bag and run to you?
Destruction has replaced you
and taken the place of your ringing bells.
And without the students,
My house, my flowers, I miss you.
My Syria, when will I return back to you?
I have dreams that I can’t achieve and make come true,
And all I want is living with you in freedom,
Syria, my country, I love you.”
Click below and browse the many different petitions.
VIOLENCE IS NEVER THE RIGHT ANSWER
Patrick Stewart Speaks Out On Domestic Abuse
Where does Violence start? It starts at home when we were children with parents abusing their children. The parents themselves were also victims of abuse in the families they grew up in.
And then we send our people into war. And then those people come home, and they act out the violence of war on their families, spouses, and children.
Patrick Stewart grew up in a violent home. He now works to prevent violence.
It is interesting that in his role as Captain Jean Luc Picard, it was always his mission to mediate, negotiate, to find a nonviolent way to interact with the people of other worlds.
Watch and listen to his own personal experience as a child growing up in a violent home.